Im not going to talk about how long it's been.

I'm getting laid off and moving in with my parents.

Sound familiar? Because if it doesn't, get ready to start hearing or singing this very same tune, my friends. Filial piety isn't just for the Chang's down the street, anymore. No, four generations under one roof? Sounds like the first mildly intelligent fiscal decision a few of my friends and I have made, as of recent. But I won't bore you with the ancient practice of xiao shun and the economical advantage of communal living. Instead, let's address why we don't want to move home.

For many, I'm assuming, just having one of these incidents occur within any miniscule time frame, could be, shall we say, along the lines of some sort of P.O.W torture tactic involving sharpened bamboo rods and that plushy pink no no spot under your fingernails. Not to say I'm lacking in a minor a blow to my ego, or perspective, for that matter. I'm only keenly aware that I'm riding solo on the happy train to Homesweethomesville, USA. People have no interest in moving back into their time capsules, as fabulously furnished as they may be. What? Oh, so now that your some big shot marketing guru, you're just too cool for that crackly Star Wars wallpaper you just HAD TO HAVE on your fifth birthday? The one that now looks as though it has somehow miraculously started acquiring normal bodily functions, which has inevitably left a caramel brown stain for your ocular and oflactory pleasure? You mean you're actually longing for the days of old when your studio's walk in closet allowed you to brilliantly peruse what sharp shooter business ensemble you'd be wearing that day? And no doubt without having the stringy, dangly light hit you in the back of the head whilst you valiantly come to the rescue of your faithful Brooks Bros. crisp, dress shirt, now firmly within the fierce clutches of the splintered wooden bar between your (once) boss collection of Members Only jackets and frayed camouflage cargo pants that provided a non-existent amount of functionality. You're too good for the camos?

No, I get it. I mean, I get that just to survive the basic formalities of most holiday familial get-togethers requires most of us to adhere to a routine combination of unfailing diplomacy, insurmountable bundles of patience and one to two mild sedatives. I mean, who honestly remembers a time when we all organically hung out with each other?Cousin Jimmy's on anti-d's for that uniquely devastating breakup with his 17th girlfriend, what's her name that we all loved so much, uncle Tom's on Ambien due to a 30 year morning regimen of four cups of instant coffee that would leave him feeling so artificially elated and inspired, he would need 16 more cups to get him through the rest of his long listed day. Sis, bro and 50% of the American population are on Adderall, because we all know if they weren't, God knows they'd all start resembling the likes of Jabba the Hut from their insane lack of motivation to get up any earlier than the ungodly hour of 4pm with the only purpose of moving their extremities to prevent bedsores.


I'm not saying coming home is a walk in Central Park by any means, but I do thoroughly enjoy my parents. No matter who you are, where you came from, what your living situation is, after all the material nonsense, the food and the chaos, we're all just there to take care of one another. I'm so glad I've been able to come home so my parents and I can "take care" with one another. It not only makes sense for my pocketbook, but it makes sense to my soul. I've found myself to be quite the hopeless romantic in numerous facets of my life, this time and space is allowing me to really re-connect with hopes that were once lost. The limits we put on ourselves when we become blind, deaf and dumb in our day to day routines has had a colander-like effect on those passions that define who we are, the ones that tug and pull at our heart strings when we are reminded that they haven't been digested with the other shortly-lived (edible) pleasures, the ones that, when provoked, never let us escape without a tear or two. This time in my life is going to give me options I never allowed myself to consider within the last few years. Where do I go? What do I do? What areas of my life need sharpening? What areas of myself need to be broken in? This is a time to take advantage of my small perspective and broaden it. Get out, get dirty, get hopelessly uncomfortable. Get to the bottom of who I am, who I want to be and reward myself if and when that changes. To remember to celebrate "me" when my evolution becomes apparent and when it does, remind others to do the same. Who says financial peril inhibits your peace of mind? Who says you'll never be the master of your own destiny? Rigid schedules and gradually acquired complacency are among my greatest fears.

This is ridiculous.

I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. Talk about your short attention span. I knew it would be a challenge to keep up on this, but I'm determined and that's why I'm not going to quit on it. I can do this. I make hasty decisions too often, fad of the moment stuff and longevity has always been a struggle. Let's keep it up Court!

Anywho, let's see. What has been going on in my life...well for one thing I've rekindled an old friendship with a mate I grew up right down the street from. His name is Matt and he's fantastic! Super spontaneous and super easy to get along with. Probably one of the coolest cats I know. We decided to hit up Tahoe last weekend on Friday morning. Yeah, we decided to go on Friday morning and I flew out that afternoon. AMAZING. How life should be. Does it sound fun? Does it fit the budget? Are we young? D) all of the above.

We stayed at an amazing cabin that his family owns with his brother and a group of his friends. It was an incredible weekend. From kayaking adventures, to getting sunburned like nobody's business, to dinner parties, to just watching some Indiana Jones, killer.

This week has consisted of getting myself sick somehow from Tuesday to Wednesday, I really don't know how it happened. I just started getting achy-like. You know, the feeling like if you move your head a little too far to the right or left it might fall off? That one. I was on the couch for two days, hating life. But Nate, as always was a sweetheart and took care of all needs. Making food, running for medicine, etc. He's the sweetest!

Last night we tried out a new sushi place across the street from his house. Ok, not going to lie, we got the boat. It was splendid. It came with two rolls of our choice, 2 pieces of sushi each of salmon, yellow tail, and tuna, miso soup, seaweed salad, unlimited ginger (I ate it all of course) and veggie/seafood tempura. In a word...heaven. We will definitely be going back and if anyone reading this wants good sushi when you come to visit, just remind me of this blog.

Tomorrow we head out to Premier League to watch some quality water polo on the base. I think we're leaving pretty early in the morning, but I'm determined to write in this and tell you all about it when I get home.

Don't be mad if I fall asleep, though. : )

Love. Love. Night.

A short film...

I guess that's why they call it the blues...

I interviewed for an internship position with a non-profit that I'm exceptionally passionate about. I didn't get it. Needless to say, I'm really bummed out right now. I really don't have anything to say other than I feel they made a huge mistake. I would give them 100 hours a week if they asked me. I'm too pissed off to write right now. Just thought I'd give an update.

Benny Bear's B Day

Headed over to Tobi Renee's pad for some birthday celebration. Tacos and "Scene It" are the plan. Nate and I hit up a few games today at SDSU. It was blazin hot outside. We even had to stop taking pictures at the softball game for a bit, because the camera was piping hot. But we got some great content, so I'm really happy.

Also...went on a super long hike with Lauren and Jess today...and ran into a rattlesnake. Oh yes, luckily Lauren was like "hold up" because we would have walked straight into it. I started screaming and flailing my arms like a pansy, of course. While my roommates regained their composure from laughing at me hysterically and I regained my dignity, it vigorously shook its rattle and slithered its way back into the brush. On the count of three we all raced past the point it disappeared and kept a keen eye out for the rest of the trek. Great exorcise though, as well as the prettiest day we've seen all year. Hope it keeps up. : )

They are a wonder.

If you have so kindly chosen to come inside and unwind at this blog address today, know that this is a reflection and appreciation day. For no particular reason, than just "because." I want to proclaim to all intently reading, that my two siblings and I have been generously blessed with a mother and father that can only be described as indescribable, cliche yes, I agree. Nevertheless, I will attempt to expand upon this claim, while completely aware that letters and words could never grant them any reasonable amount of justice. When uninvited doubts show up at the door of my faith, when presenting requests to the Father evolve into screams and demands for reason or purpose, the only solace that I've succeeded in finding is the thought of my two best friends.

As a child, did you ever ask yourself what we all look like up there in heaven before our time on earth? Floating around, waiting for our turn to be sent down, or does he create our hearts in our mother's womb? These were wonders plaguing my head throughout my younger years. How exciting to have these questions answered, one day. Yet, to some degree, I no longer need them answered. The proof is within the bond. His wonder and Glory never cease to electrify my spirits. He created a perfect puzzle piece to finish that jigsaw those two were looking to complete. Through the battles, the roller coasters, the pain we thought would never cease, has bloomed a stronghold and fortress to envy.

A mere thought of him and the unrelenting sacrifices he has made to give us the things we not only need, but wanted, always prevails at tugging my grateful heart. I'm realizing the power of that love as I write this sentence down. The selflessness it takes to program a body to function on something that resembles sleep deprivation, but to call it that would be an injustice on many accounts. It would not enable one to grasp that he never fell asleep at night. No, falling would imply that it was something he allowed himself and willingly chose to do. He surrendered to sleep, but only after a stubbornly-fought battle and because his body demanded that ransom. The long nights away from his three children and the insanely miraculous woman he hand-picked to share his life with. The restless nights over that foreign characteristic "laziness" his three had seemed to pick up with ease. The countless notes written on anything he could get those hands on to not only improve himself, but the lucky souls he put before him. The model of healthy mind, soul and body he has consistently shown us. In times of peril, through shattered bones, broken heart, and wilted spirit, his recoveries are swift and inspiring, a gift to all who are fortunate enough to witness the triumph. Always there to lend an ear, to mentor and to lift up. To follow in those footsteps an incredible, yet exciting challenge. These few things, a handful of ways that I've discovered my father's love. It spills forth from every move he makes, he is all that I look to for strength, guidance and wisdom. A better man there is none, I only pray he can believe it himself.

If he is unable, there is no doubt, she subscribes to this belief and receives it, daily.

To describe her is something I've always struggled to do. When one is absent from her presence, she stays with you, as if her spirit and laughter is tattooed on your skin somewhere, but you can't seem to find it. This, in turn, has continually hindered my explanation of her. I tend to re-enact encounters and conversation with her in a tone as ever so bubbly and sassy, this is a horrible injustice. She is brimming with God's love and life, thrives on spontaneity, yet owns all rights to the word "grace" within her patience and faith. A harsh word, we have found, has yet to free itself from the confines of her beautiful lips, if imprisoned there, at all. In the game of life, can one be absent from the defensive, or...offensive? She has ever-so strategically won as a song-leader on that sideline. I'm always bargaining with God to grant me more of what she has clearly mastered; the entire reason Eve was created. Humble servant to the Lord, devoted partner to husband and life-force to children. An instantaneous impact on any soul in contact with her is without question. Always a crowd-favorite, her fans they are a plenty. From family to friends, to significant others, she has held numbers of hearts and taken gazes for prisoner. She is all that I cherish and strive to resemble. If only SHE would hear that.

If she is deaf to these things, I know he can aid her and will continue for life.


I say these things as the tears rain down my gracious cheeks and flood my thankful mouth. To the two that made us three, may you know my devotion is endless, I cry in overwhelming response to His mercy and kindness.

Frustration with self.

I've been writing poetry for the first time in my life this past week, especially when I'm feeling something at a very intense degree. This is such a moment.

"An oak she is not"

plainly void of focus
aided through a broken lens
adjust, repair, another stare
one truth I choose to lend

a portrait you have painted
but photos rarely lie
harsh the angle, even closer
view subject sans disguise

caught in murky waters
hung up on thinner lines
that dreary room has kept you
from the mysteries of mine

through that one way tunnel
to catch her eye a feat
vivid colors, newfound subjects
epic always incomplete

framing fast your future
blank canvas mantel-prime
silhouettes and old regrets
the only me you'll find

Saturday night's alright alright.

Going out tonight with Tim, a friend that I met while visiting Princeton University about 5 years back. It'll be great to see him and catch up, amazing how people come and go in your life. I'm lovin it...but not in a McDonald's way. I'll leave you with this, it's my roomie and her fiancee, they make me happy:

Bored at Red Deer.

Pictures from around the house...then playing with them on photoshop!

Food and friends.

Friday night at Nate's house. He made Jamaican jerk salmon with butter and garlic. Asparagus, rice pilaf, and fresh baked bread accompanied. The roomies and John Mark came over and we played Scene It (the xbox 360 verison) for over 2 hours...glorious.


Preparation.

Lovable dork.



The happy couple to-be.

Exploring.

Friday fun night.

Playing around with the camera. It's quite pathetic how much I have this thing in my hands. I make Nate dress up at all hours of the day just to fiddle around with settings...poor lil thing. This was from last night after the dinner party, just as he was falling asleep, I was throwing clothes at him and telling him to get cute. : )

In Closing.

snuck in through the back of your heart
sliced his way to the core was told where to start
knees dirty a lake on his face
knees dirty his one man race

and his eyes held to you
what your hands wished to do
while his rhyme and his reason sang true
with the taste of him near the cloudy gone clear
in that hold you were born anew

but static it waits
it calls and it baits
lulling longings and wantings to dream
of the new and the near
deceptive and sheer
convenience how she does gleam

all records will show
all witnesses know
amnesia can only erase
a burn doesn’t fade
now broken she laid
reason gone without gift of trace

and the seconds they tread
leave your love for dead
don’t hear the screams and the shouts
for the moments you played
in the house that you made
put to rest in your newfound self-doubt

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